Self-Defence for Survivors of Domestic Violence

As I arrive at the sports centre in Lausanne to take part in the Faire Face self-defence class for survivors of domestic violence, I witness as one of the participants just steps outside with one of the psychologists. The intensive course had become a bit too much, resurfacing memories of violence.

I am here as part of our new partnership with the inspiring company Faire Face (French for “to face”). Upon entering I am greeted by the company’s founder Christophe. He is a young policeman who served in the special unit of the police for 16 years and now serves in diplomatic protection. On the side, he started this company to provide people with needed security trainings.

“This project was born from what I saw during my job as a policeman and the frustration of not being able to do enough to help the way I wanted to” Christophe shares.

Entering the big gym hall I am immediately hit by the power of the women participating in the course today. 10 women who could not look more different. Young, old, skinny, heavily pregnant, skin colours ranging from as white as snow to as black as night. These women are likely your doctor, your cleaning lady, your colleague, your friend. So diverse, yet what unites them all is the violence that they suffered at the hands of the person they trusted most: their intimate partner. You would not think that they were victims of violence. But they were. They survived. They persevered. Talking to these women throughout the day, I am inspired by the strength that they radiate, by the stories that they tell me about what happened behind closed doors, and by their resilience in taking back control of their lives.

Moving forward and taking back control is anything else but easy. But these women have it in them, you can tell. Today, they are taking part in this 7 hour self-defence course – a course offered for free in collaboration with LAVI Lausanne. Christophe, who has a black belt in Krav Maga teaches not only the participants many different techniques of how you can defend yourself, but also the intrinsic values of this martial art form. He is accompanied by the psychologist Andrea, who is here for each and everyone one of the participants who needs support throughout the day. Her presence resembles a strong rock that you know you can lean against for support in a big storm.

It is surprising how simple the techniques are that we learn. Simple yet highly effective. Each woman no matter how slender manages with the slightest efforts to free and defend themselves, no matter how tall and strong the attacker is. It’s inspiring to watch and to learn. As long as violence against women is so prevalent in our world and across societies, every single woman should know these techniques.

As the day progresses, we come to the last two exercises of the day. Christophe steps out and returns in protective padded gear from head to toe. Each survivor – if they want to – now faces him alone as he walks aggressively towards them. They must use their full force with the techniques that they learned to fend him off. As the rest of us watch from the sidelines, we are all moved to tears. You see her be confronted with her fears and you feel so helpless just watching from afar as this big guy in padded gear closes in on her. But each time the women prevail. They successfully apply the techniques and at one point even bring Christophe to his knees – to his own surprise. The first exercise ends with each woman walking back to the psychologist who waits at the periphery of “the scene” who holds them and brings them back to reality. Each time each one of us cries with the participant.

Then a truly amazing thing happens. After everyone has had their turn, we repeat the exercise slightly altered. This time, however, the same women know their strength. There are no more tears but full force as they face the attacker and successfully and strongly fend him off. This time, I have tears in my eyes from the sheer inspiration. In just one day, you can see how they have regained some of their confidence and have gotten to know their strength. As Christophe tells us:

“The aim of this course is to open up the scar, dig into it to expel the infection, and then let it heal again, stronger.”

Important is that the participants learn to set their own boundaries. This means that those who did not want to participate in this exercise learnt to say no. Instead, one participant had to shout STOP continuously louder so Christophe could hear her whilst he slowly moved across the big gym hall. What started with a barely audible “stop” in the first exercise, ended up with forcefully strong STOP during the second exercise. The journey these participants accomplish during just this one day is tangible and phenomenal. I am proud to have been allowed to be a witness today.

The journey is tough. But with people and communities like Christophe, Andrea, and Faire Face by your side, the mountain of challenges seem surmountable. Know that we are all here for you. Know that we believe you. We hear you. We support you.

If you are suffering from abuse or trauma after leaving your abusive relationship please chat to “Sophia” and contact LAVI Lausanne to participate in the next self-defence course.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Do everything with absolute determination.
• You need to act quickly and with force.
• To effectively defend yourself from an aggressor, you need to work on actively lowering your barriers of what you have been taught regarding what is allowed and what is forbidden. You were probably brought up learning that hurting someone is bad. Which it is. Unless you are in a situation of violence. It may be a question of life or death. You need to defend yourself without this inhibition.
• When defending yourself you are not acting because you want to hurt someone, you are acting to defend yourself. This is a key message that can help you act in a moment of need.